ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
