i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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