they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
