I cannot find my penis.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
