Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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