Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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