Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
