I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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