I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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