Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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