and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
