Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
