so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
