It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
