we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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