please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I intend to get homeless drunk
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
