She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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