dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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