Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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