i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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