some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
