4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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