When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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