Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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