did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
