I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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