NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
