Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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