one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
