Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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