East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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