i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
