It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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