Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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