What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
