just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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