Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
