i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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