I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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