On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
