Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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