Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
