I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
