I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
