if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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