hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
