The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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