Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
worst night to have a conscience
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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