i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She's JV to your varsity
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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