Need sex. Gaining weight.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
