Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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