Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
