his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
