I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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