i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
