Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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