the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
