You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
