Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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