allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
