I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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