She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
