my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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