there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
