Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
