just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
