Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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