so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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