Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
