Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
