his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
