see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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