Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
