At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
