I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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