I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
