she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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